Don't Weep for Me

Dad had me looking for a specific poem several weeks ago.  Something he'd seen or read before that he wanted to share with his brother and sister.  I found this one instead and he liked it so I made a copy.  It brings me a little comfort reading it and today was a little better. I still have trouble being alone or sitting too long where I tend to think too much, but all I can do is take this one day at a time.  

I'm sharing the poem with you, in hopes that it might bring someone else comfort in a time of need.  I will share the actual poem dad was looking for tomorrow.

Don't Weep For Me 

If ever you should get the word; 

That I went unexpectedly. 

Please don't waste your precious time; 

Crying needless tears for me. 

If I was to leave tomorrow; 

For a far much better place. 

Please know that I would see you; 

And would look upon your face. 

No matter where, or when I go; 

I will always be with you. 

Right there, always at your side; 

Helping to see you through. 

And know that we will meet again; 

In a far off, better land. 

Where we will hug each other again; 

And walk together, hand in hand. 

I will always treasure what we had; 

And you're forever in my heart. 

And remember the precious life we shared; 

For you played a most important part. 

So, don't shed any tears for me; 

Be happy that I have gone. 

For I'll be with my loved ones then; 

And will never again, be alone. 

Spend your precious time on earth; 

Helping those that are now left here. 

And making other friends to love; 

Remembering, I will always be near. 

Weep not for those that have gone on; 

For they are now at peace. 

They took that final walk towards home; 

And all their pain and trials have ceased. 

 

© Betty Hawkins 2003 

Day 2

Had to make one last stop by dad's to go through his things.  Not the easiest of days, by far, but I haven't even begun to go through the old pictures.  Tina wouldn't let me do it right there and she's probably right, so the pictures are sitting here beside me at home for when I'm ready.

Never done the whole cremation thing before, but you would think it goes faster.  Either the weekend or some of the other red tape with death certificates is holding things up for 3 days.  I don't know if that's better or worse for me, but it feels like it's taking forever to get things done.  I'm not in a hurry to forget, just in a hurry to put all the death behind me and start thinking more about the good stuff.  Even the good memories hurt right now.

Dad and I had our rough patches, but we always seemed to work things out.  Dad's last couple of years have been hard on him and I think that brought us closer than we ever were.  I'm thankful for that.  I'm glad he made all the birthday parties here at the house, even when he wasn't feeling well.  I'm glad he and I spent time watching all the movies together here on our couch.  Even though he was in pain and tired, I love the past three weeks of sharing lunch, Ice Cream and our talks.

What I miss are the daily phone calls to tell me how he was doing, or to ask if I had any new movies for him.  I miss him trying to get me in trouble with Tina, or her in trouble with me and then laughing at us bickering in jest.  But I think I miss him more because we didn't get to finish some of the things we started, that the next birthday party and holidays will be empty by one chair and that the next movie will be without him by my side on the couch.

Love you dad and I miss you terribly.  I promised you I'll be OK and I will, but I never realized the hole you'd leave in my heart.  I hope you know that.  I hope you heard all those talks last week as I sat by your side.  I just wished you'd let me say goodbye one last time.

Day 1

I knew this was going to be hard.  I just didn't realize how much so.  After a month of spending each day with him, it's all come abruptly to a stop.  I've never felt so lost or unsure of myself.  Never had to stop and ask my wife "what do I do?"  Never looked at so many things around me and just lose all my composure.

Gone from my sight

As my time with you grows short, I sit here by your side, thankful for the past 3 weeks we've had running around like crazy to all your doctors, treatment centers and Milky Way/Ice Cream trips.  In many ways, these 3 crazy weeks have brought us closer together than ever before and I wouldn't trade a minute of them.  I'd give anything for just one day more.  So many things I wanted to ask you that we never got around to talking about.  So many movies we need to see.  So many cartons of Ice Cream left that need to be eaten.  Love you dad.


Someone was kind enough to share the following little essay with me today and I wanted to share it with our friends and family.  Regardless of what you believe in, these few simple paragraphs sum things up nicely.  It helped me and I share it with all of you in hopes that it will someday help you in return.

     I am standing upon the seashore.  A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean.  She is an object of beauty and strength.  I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.


     Then someone at my side says:  "There, she is gone!"
      
      "Gone where?"


     Gone from my sight.  That is all.  She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear the load of living freight to her destined port.


     Her diminished size is in me, not in her.  And just at the moment when someone at my side says:  "There, she is gone!"  There are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout:  "Here she comes!"


     And that is dying.


-Henry Van Dyke