All you need is love…well that and a lot of great communication.

The first time I saw her, really truly saw her for the first time, she stepped off the elevator at the office we both worked at. She had recently cut her hair short and I was devastated, but I couldn't explain why. There was just something about this girl that struck me deeply and as cliché as it sounds; there was a little voice in my head that said "she's the one". But as quickly as it all came to me, I let it pass. I was married, had kids and at the time, and was clueless to the things going on outside my marriage.

It wouldn't be until several years later, after separation from my wife that she and I would start hanging out together with friends. It wasn't too long before those old feelings came back to the surface and I told her how I felt. She took her time deciding. After all, she would be inheriting a readymade family of 3 kids and I wasn't her typical love interest. For whatever reason, she came around and decided to give things a try, even amidst all the talk about us behind our backs.

She and the kids took to each other really well, but that's not to say that through the years we've not all had our differences and struggles. What family doesn't? Still, some of the struggles were enough to make a sane person climb the wall and yet she stuck it out, helped me pull through the difficult times and kept the family going, despite the insurrection from outside our home. It still amazes me today, what we've come through and how strong we've become.

I proposed to her on March 15^th 1999 and we married a few short months later on May 22^nd at a small ceremony in my parents' home. We spent our honeymoon in New Orleans and took our time coming back home, making stops along the way to drag out our time together as much as possible. I think we both knew just how soon a new life was coming at us and the adjustments married life would bring.

Through all the rough times there have been exceptional times together as well. Even through the rough times, the best of us comes out and we help each other pull through. I guess that's the point I felt compelled to put all this into words. I sometimes can't tell her enough what she means to me and even writing about all this, I can't bring it out in words. There really just is no way to explain how she affects me even after 10 wonderful years of marriage.

Even so, we've both had a really rough time lately. I think a lot of it is monetary, as we are so much like many others, struggling to make ends meet in this poor economy, but there were some underlying issues we couldn't touch because the communication was there, but we were really talking about different things. She's gone through one of the biggest changes in her life, emotionally and physically, which hit me hard. Our intimacy has reached new heights, but it came so fast I couldn't handle it on an emotional level. That's right guys, beyond all the sex, there really is an emotional attachment and I freaked out. I won't go into details, but let's just say I wasn't used to all the new attention and I started getting the wrong ideas about why.

We've both since started talking, even more than we have in the past. We're seeing a counselor, not for the reasons most people though. We were even warned that these counselors could turn our marriage against us by bringing up truths and issues that were not really there. All I can say is, on the contrary, our counselor has done nothing but good for us both. The communication is better, the intimacy is better and we're falling in love all over again. So to all of you out there, troubled or not, a counselor can definitely make changes in your life; you just have to be willing to listen and work together. Then again, isn't that what successful marriages are? It's not just communication, but listening, understanding one another's wants and needs, being a friend and above all us, loving that person unconditionally.

So, in my traditional long winded way, I've come full circle just to say what I started out to say;

Tina, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I love you with everything I am. I am falling in love with you all over again like we've just started dating. It's the giddy feeling you have when you first start out in love. It's the butterflies in your stomach when we're together, like the first time you ride a roller coaster and you're not sure what's coming next. It's the tenderness of your touch, the warmth of your kiss. The way your eyes see me when I look into them. The way my heart longs for you when we're apart. It's all those things wrapped up together inside of me, ready to burst and be free. You are truly my soul mate, my best friend and my whole world.

Love you babe!

Repartee of my Progeny

 

It goes without saying that your child will definitely pick up your mannerisms, characteristics, traits and values as they grow in your home. After all they are surrounded by your incessant nagging about cleaning their rooms, picking up after themselves and feeding the zoo in your living room. What we may not be aware of, is the same child's ability to produce certain quick witted responses and out of the blue versions of their own design. Needless to say, Tina and I have realized from a long time ago that our daughter Drew would be a handful later in life; she has both her mother's quick wit and good looks, and keeps up with her father's sarcasm and false explanations of "why the sky is blue" better than any one of her older siblings.

Some of the events that take place in our meager lives have to be seen to be believed, but others are so clear cut and funny, we can't wait to share with our family and friends. Case in point, a few of Drew's more memorable moments of late:

Example the first


After picking Drew up after work, we are in a rush to meet her mom for her dinner break. Tina has asked that we provide her with a certain frozen confection en route so we stop to pick one up. I ask Drew if she's hungry for dinner and she says "McDonald's" like it's a pre-programmed response put in all our kids. As we're finishing up the order for said frozen confection, this is the dialog that ensues;

Me: Are you hungry too baby girl?

Drew: I could eat. McDonald's.

Me: MMM'kay. I will have to get some cash from mom when we get to her work. I've only got a few bucks on me.

Drew: What if mom doesn't have any money?

Me: Then I will have to kick her butt.

Drew: Great!! Dinner, Ice Cream AND a show…

Example the second


Not too long after that little bit of wit, we were on our way to meet mom for yet another dinner break rendezvous. This time, I nearly get my butt handed to me by Conan the Destroyer. As we get out of the car in the parking lot, a well endowed young lady with a halter top to her midriff and a very, very short skirt come bouncing (literally) out of the store. Without missing a beat, Drew whistles a fox call at the girl who politely smiles in our direction.

The whistle alone was embarrassing enough, especially as it echoed off the surrounding walls and cars in the parking lot for what seemed like an eternity. What came next was one of the most horrifying moments of my life. The massive hulking 300+ pound meat bag that followed the young lady was also looking in our general direction, but he definitely was not smiling. He grimaced and flexed all 1000 bicep muscles in his two arms as if to tell me, "You're pressing your luck dude", if he could have actually formed a whole coherent sentence that is. I held my breath as we rushed into the store behind them and never looked back. I tried explaining to Drew that she nearly got me killed, but what she thought was a nice complement wasn't sinking in as a life threatening issue for her dad.

We finally came to an understanding that while it's a compliment to some, others find it offensive and it could appear as if it were I who did the whistling, not my innocent 7 year old daughter. After all, what could I do, blame on her?

"No really mister, it was my kid! Honest!!!"

Right.

Example the last


Drew likes to be funny. She does it sometimes intentionally and other times it just comes by her honestly. She's been reading Captain Underpants and has gotten a silly streak in her recent activities around the house. While talking to someone on the phone the other day, she walks up and pats me on the back with "I love you dad" whispered in my ear. Awwwww! How cute, right?

Taped to my back is a paper that says:

Dad is stinky and needs a diaper change. Dad will henceforth be called Captain Underpants.

When I found it 20 minutes later in the bathroom mirror I tickled her, told her how silly she was and put her to bed while Tina was in the shower. I commenced cleaning dishes in the kitchen, finished and walked back to our bedroom to find the same note taped to the bathroom door. This time, the word Dad had been scribbled out and replaced with the word Mom, written in a scrawling obvious attempt to disguise penmanship. At the bottom of the paper it was signed simply, Love Dad.

My daughter was in bed faking the worst snore I've ever heard as I tried explaining to Tina that I had absolutely nothing to do with the note and that Drew must have slipped back into the room and done the deed.

Raising children is such fun.

 

Rock and Roll and Jesus

During a long late night drive last night, my 7 year old started pondering life, the universe and everything. We talked about meteors, stars, and black holes before the conversation turned to God, creation and the Bible. This isn't your typical father daughter talk, but she clearly has an interest in history, science and other things that most seven year olds would never think about. She's daddy's girl in those regards at least.

Enter my dilemma. Smart as she is, Drew is still very impressionable. I don't want to push any of my kids to make decisions based on what I want, or what I believe. I'm a firm believer that my role here is to steer their minds in the right directions and allow them to come to decisions on their own, based on what they've learned or how they feel. I don't force them to church; they go because they want to learn and because I can't give them all the answers they need. I don't force them to listen to my music, but I do expose them to the different sounds and rhythms so that they can find what they like in the huge mix of crap circulating on the airwaves today.

So more to my point. I'm not atheist, but I'm not what you call a religious man either. I believe in the existence of something greater than myself; not because I feel it or that I've seen it, but because when I look around at the things I've seen in this world, I cannot accept that all of this happened by some accident or huge cosmic H-bomb. There was some kind of design or intervention there someplace. In addition to that, I'm not the person I am because I fear a hell in the afterlife, but rather, I believe that it's right to do good by others. To treat your fellow man, environment, and animals with the same respect just comes naturally to me and may be a result of my upbringing.

I decided to tell Drew the truth and explain to her that it in no way means that I don't believe in God or Jesus or any of the things that she's learning in Sunday school. Rather, it means I have questions that so far, no one has been able to answer. Things like; where are the missing 25+ years of Jesus' life? How was it possible for one man to build a boat that could hold pairs of the world's species? Where are the dinosaurs in the Bible? There's more, but they all come back to the same thing; no one knows. Surprisingly, Drew said she had questions too and many of them were the same as my own. One in particular; who created God? My only response to her now was that we need to just continue asking. Sometimes we may never get the answer we're looking for, but we keep asking until we do.

I take some comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one that feels this way. I spent a nice afternoon a week ago, with Bill Maher as he went around asking the same questions to the people I wouldn't have had the balls to ask. While I don't agree with everything, the film was entertaining and lighthearted, but still left me (and Bill apparently) with the same questions.

In the meantime, I'll still be here listening to my rock and roll and asking questions about Jesus.

Out of hiatus

Hello blog, old friend. I've been away for awhile. Not really sure why, probably just life getting in the way. The family and I have been through a lot the past couple of years so the writing came to a stand still, but I can't stay away any longer. I need to get my thoughts out there again so here we go.

Today is St. Patrick's Day to most of the world. I've never been a partier, so this is one holiday I can easily overlook since the enjoyment of going out to drink green beer and my loathing of corned beef and cabbage really kills it all for me. As for the wearing of the green, most people can't tell you why green is associated with St. Patrick's Day so here's your history lesson for the week. St. Patrick, who may or may not have chased all the snakes out of Ireland, used the shamrock to explain the Holy Trinity to non-Christian Irish. "Wearing of the green" was indicating a shamrock worn on your person to show Irish Nationalism or loyalty to the Roman Catholic Church. Since around the 1700's, the shamrock or shamrock like designs have become a ubiquitous feature of the Saint's holiday.

Before the 1700's, however, St. Patrick's Day was celebrated in blue. The Saint was most depicted wearing blue and is the color of the Irish coat of arms, Presidents Standard, and many other flags of Ireland are Blue and Gold. But I digress…

The real reason for my writing today was because of a little story about my daughter Drew. We all know that the absence of green on this particular day leads to pinching from our fellow friends and others we'd like to knock the living crap out of because they see fit to pinch us, friends or not. So, without hesitation, my wife instructed me to dress our daughter in green today and I set out to find the appropriate attire. When I woke Drew up this morning, she immediately looked at the chosen outfit and announced, "I'm not wearing green". I started to explain the reason for the choice and she promptly stated, "Dad, I WANT to be pinched".

After picking my mouth up off the floor, I stammered around trying to make sure I clearly heard what she said. As if to answer my dumbfound look, she quickly added, "Maki, David and…well, they are all pretty cute so they can pinch me and I don't mind. So, no green today, OK?"

No, it's not OK; who are you and where is my 7 year old daughter? We fought over this subject most of the morning. I won of course, because I'm dad and no one is pinching my girls until 25, maybe 30 if they push it. If looks could kill, I wouldn't be writing this now. I'm sure my wife will get an earful tonight when she picks her up from school, but that's OK. It was her decision to do green today anyway.

Anyway, happy St. Patrick's day everyone.

May you have the hindsight to know where you've been,
The foresight to know where you are going,
And the insight to know when you have gone too far.